Surviving a family get-together may seem insurmountable, especially when considering the complex history that goes along with relationships, marriages, divorces, births, and other family happenstance.  Making any family gathering a positive experience takes mental discipline and effort in managing our emotions until they can run smoothly on automatic. Here’s how to walk away feeling positive from holidays, weddings, and Sunday dinners:

Know your flash points

Before you agree to host, or be a guest, know the three biggest flash points that can set off an unexpected tirade of old emotional baggage and unpleasant memories.  Entertaining, and being the host, is the number one stressor that can set off unpleasant family issues.  Compounded with already full schedules, we feel obligated to be perfect hosts for our families who might not even appreciate our efforts.  Your home is your energy sphere.  When you believe your hospitality is a demonstration of who you are, you have nothing to prove or hide.  Release anxiety and worry about inviting critical family members over by knowing your presence, and contribution, are gifts to those around you.

Unrealistic expectations are another common flash point.  When we carry outdated mental and emotional baggage from the past, life events, circumstances, and old relationships from long ago, we also bring a set of expectations along for the ride.  Sometimes, no matter what family members do, they may always seem ungrateful.  Stay centered!  Even though you may not receive thanks from anyone, you are stronger for being generous.  Give with a happy heart and focus on releasing resentment from the past.  Your true thanks are manifested in other ways not readily seen. Nobody liked your gift?  Thank yourself for being the amazing person you are…and cross that grump of your list for next year!

Being the maverick of the family, or the one who has always walked off the beaten path, can make you overly sensitive at family get-togethers.  When we choose a different life than our parents, are not liked by other established family members, or are the new kid on the block that doesn’t fit the mold, we feel ostracized and go through the motions, often with a bad attitude.  Remember, others perceive you the way you perceive yourself.  Love your unique space and stop making apologies.  Be kind to everyone. Know you fit beautifully in this world and are valuable to everyone on the planet – including your family! When you believe you fit perfectly into a space that has been designed exclusively for you, you’ll no longer accept any stigma or negative labels others may place upon you.

Check your state of mind

Each day we have an opportunity to choose our attitude and focus our intentions on the present moment.  Because of this choice, our own personal lives, and all we observe in the world, originate within the mind.  Living without stress first originates within the mind! As within, so without.  As above, so below.  It’s easy.  Begin by being consciously aware of what you want to create, even if grouchy Grandpa seems to set the tone for the gathering or Cousin Martha comes for dinner… and complains about everything!

Focus on today

Our families provide some of the most challenging circumstances we will ever experience.  Since family dynamics make us intimate with a situation, it is difficult to separate the past from the present.  Find joy in what others bring to the table, even if Aunt Edna doesn’t like the menu.  Take a deep breath, stay centered, and keep moving forward!

See the big picture often

Use affirmations to get your positive thinking on course.  Affirm: “In the universal perspective, today is but a blink in time.  Therefore, I move gracefully through these moments with ease.  I offer others my heart without depleting my energy reserves.” Other people’s unhappiness is not all about you!

When in doubt, tune out

For difficult in-laws, I have found these two affirmations to be particularly helpful:

“From this day forward, I focus on what is important and not what others expect me to do.  I am capable of using my tune-out button when a negative situation arises.  I am centered, whole, and happy, and I celebrate life well!”

“From this day forward, I choose to never compromise my beautiful soul for the sake of fitting into a program.  I ask for divine assistance in bringing my light in positive ways to this family.  I am a whole and complete individual and am comfortable in my uniqueness.  I love myself and lovingly express who I am, knowing my presence is a gift to everyone in this family.”

Check your old family baggage at the door, stay in the present moment, and never compromise yourself.  Positive thinking means “being centered” in who you are!  And ride the bumps with good humor. Use your time well, rely upon your Source, and have patience!

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts on life-balance! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

Living in a continual state of thankfulness is so important when managing life’s complexity. Isn’t it easy to get lost in the details of everyday living?  In-between thanking our Source for all the perks in life, remember that true thankfulness is gratitude for life’s learning opportunities and for Spirit being present to get the lesson to sink in. But sometimes it’s tough to rise knowing that each circumstance we encounter is meant to keep us learning on our soul journey.  What can we do to increase our level of thankfulness, even when we are shaking off the last disappointment and want to move forward quickly?

Get Back to Basics

Everyone needs to widen their perspective on what to be thankful for.  Being thankful extends beyond the thanking we do at holiday dinners or for material possessions, job security or life accomplishments, which is easy.  A thankful state of heart and mind pertains to the continual acknowledgement that, in each and every instance when you experience something much less than ideal, the experience is for your greater good.  In doing so, you are relying upon your higher power, and strengthening your connection to Divine love. 

Change Your Energy Around Quickly

Let’s practice!  If you get temporarily down, let the universe know you acknowledge goodness because life provides us with exactly with what we continue to acknowledge. Say: 

I am grateful for this opportunity to learn more about my capabilities

I thank the universe for showing me this situation, so I can be more compassionate toward others

My difficulties today allow me to cultivate wisdom.  I am a wise soul!

I love being and not just doing.  My life is filled with gratitude and grace for this path I walk.

I am so happy and grateful that I have _____________ (come on, you fill in the blank!)

I am thankful for who I am because _________________ (name one thing you do well)

Slow Down and Have Perspective

In today’s world, we’ve taken “multi-tasking to new heights by attempting to be all things to all people.  We are living in a bullet-pointed society – we don’t have time for depth, long novels, and 25 page documents.  We need it in 3 minute sound bites. The next time you are consciously aware of operating in a “hyper-speed moment,” stop and breathe. If you’ve experienced a challenge less than optimal, remind yourself that all is well.  All is not lost.  The truth is nothing is lost in the mind of God.  And move your dial immediately to the gratitude channel.  When you are resonating with things you are thankful for, you are producing a vibrational quality where like attracts like.  The universe, in all its infinite wisdom will simply respond by giving you more of what you are thankful for.

Affirm Regularly

It’s important to recognize that you are capable and strong enough to handle your challenges. You are unlimited, Divine substance with the genius of the universe as your parent.  Remind yourself of that power often.  Let’s affirm together:

“I become stronger because of the challenges I face.  I am thankful for the opportunity to show others how to rise above everyday problems.  Each moment I am focused by spirit to do the work I was meant to do.  My heart is full of love and support of others who help me overcome.  I AM infinite wisdom.  I am capable, intelligent, strong and am thankful for what I can offer the world!”

Learn to love life.  Be in love with life at an intimate level.  Be a lover of life.  Anytime we acknowledge that life is good, we are entering a state of gratitude. Today, begin to live in a state of thanks for being alive and having the chance to improve the lives of others through your words and actions!

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts on gratitude! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

What parent doesn’t occasionally agonize over the challenges that teenagers bring to a family environment? Because of raging hormones and their brain development (I hear that because their frontal lobes are not fully-developed, this accounts for the lack of empathy) there are days where we long for the sweet little dearies who formerly loved family vacations.  You know the worst has happened when you shift from thinking that you’ll skate through the typical teenage years you hear that EVERYONE is having but not you (e.g., “My son/daughter will never turn into an evil teen!!  We’re so close!”) to hiding out in the upstairs bathroom with your own television.  Suddenly, you discover a frequent reminiscing about the days where you seemed to be the smartest parent in the world. 

In my teenage son’s eyes, in less than a year I went from an intelligent, savvy, and socially-competent parent to some sort of import from an alien galaxy where only fumbling fools were allowed to live.  My job: never talk to him or his friends at a school function for fear of embarrassment (his) and concern for my future (“Mom you ruined my life!  Don’t ever talk to my friends again, it’s soooo embarrassing!) 

Lately, I will admit my fantasies alternate between running away to a spiritual retreat for mothers of teenage boys and seeking revenge by sneaking into their room at night and lopping off the hair that they are convinced looks cooler than Bono.  The retreat scenario involves me stumbling into a new guru who can teach me how to muster the patience to endure them both until they leave for college, where of course they realize that nobody is going to do their laundry and consequently have an epiphany about my contribution to their life. In this fantasy, I become little grasshopper, completely centered in the eternal moment of now, and return home enhanced with boatloads of techniques guaranteed to establish my place in the world again.  Being a positive thinker, I am convinced it can happen if I keep practicing the Law of Attraction.

Bringing balance into a household with teenagers can be challenging and there is no manual or prep course for the daily angst. So, take comfort right now.  You have to ride it out.  Teenager’s needs are so very different from little kids.  However, while cultivating (and encouraging!) their independence, they still need a lot of behind the scenes guidance in order to become good decision makers.

I believe the best way to survive these years is to show them, no matter what their convoluted perception is of you and the world, that you are loved by others.  (Yep, my oldest has actually outlined his career goals.  He’s going to be a C.I.A. agent and sell antiquities on the side. And never get married.)  Because they can’t generate that much love on their own at this point in time, it’s a plus to show them that you are not yet capable of turning Vulcan.  Other people do exist that love and appreciate you.  My theory is that soon they will ask these people for advice (because they won’t ask you for any) and maybe your friends and work colleagues can slide in a few bonus complements about you. 

Ah well, maybe that is fantasy number three emerging.

The best thing we can do, if you are commiserating with the energy these words are carrying, is to continue to show them you are competent and empowered.  Also, show them you can set a goal and be dedicated to reach it no matter your circumstances. In addition to keeping your sense of humor, here are four tips on raising teens. Thus far, I hope this advice is working in my own home (you can check back with me in about 3 years):

• Pick your battles. Teens are supposed to push the envelope.  Let them, with well defined rules and consequences and don’t worry so much about who seems to be winning the argument. Work hard to speak logically.  Less is more. When you disagree, spend more time listening before delivering the final blow (No, you can’t come to London with us in October for a weekend, you’re supposed to be studying at college! No, you can’t publish my personal email in your EBay business! No, you can’t sell the living room furniture on EBay!)

• Respect their privacy.  It tugs on your heartstrings when they don’t spill everything right away.  Give them their space, and let them know you are available when they need you, not when you need them.  The most precious and productive time is when it is on their terms, not yours.  Take advantage of the times they drop a transportation bomb on you when you just sat down to vegetate in front of the tube after running errands all day. (“All my friends are going to the movies, can I please go too?”) Use car time to share something important.  Chances are, they will spill their guts because they feel they owe you a favor (of course, they will never admit it.)

• Grow with them.  As they mature, you have to relate on new terms. And give yourself permission to make mistakes as they make theirs.  It’s part of life! All perfectionists please note this phrase: Little kids, little problems. Big kids, bigger problems. As their strife gets larger, so will your patience and capacity to love. It’s all part of the journey. And it won’t resemble anything like your average sitcom.

• Make your home a sanctuary.   Your home needs to be a loving, forgiving place where everyone feels safe. They’ll bring their friends – and you’ll always know where the party is. And never underestimate the power of food.  Have a full frig and let their friends feel comfortable helping themselves. Time spent gathered in the kitchen around any meal is an ancient invitation to share something.  Chances are, those will be among your greatest opportunities to pass on parental wisdom, cleverly disguised, of course. 

Today’s parents have an amazing level of responsibility. Do your best to get everyone on the same page.  The family unit needs to work together so teens understand that parents have goals too.  Yes, you do have a gift to give the world outside the home. If you are fortunate to have a partner, show your teenagers what a good partnership entails. I believe it’s possible for everyone in a family to reach personal and professional satisfaction – no matter what planet we’re from.

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts for women! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

How often have you sent out a proposal, done something for another person, been through a terrible relationship and proclaimed, “Oh, that’s the absolute last time.  I will never go through that again.” The truth is, if you live a long life, you will see those same challenges cropping up over and over.  The difference lies in the way you navigate though those challenges, still keeping your resiliency factor high.  Starting over just gives you a chance to do it better.
 
We’re always starting over, in one form or another – trying something different, a new job, new relationship, new formula for success, new idea to launch into the world, a new philosophy to keep our children on a good track. Unconsciously, we are hitting the refresh button on our screen every day – several times a day, if you really think about it.  Learning to be resilient is about refreshing your outlook and staying in present moment awareness.  It’s about balancing complexity and embracing life’s contrast with open arms, while celebrating all the glorious aspects of life. A tall order?  Well, nobody said it would be easy. You’ve signed on for the big rollercoaster ride.  There is no light without a little bit of darkness – it’s a package deal!

We’re All in the Same Boat

The human condition is not yet excused from grief, loss, death, failure, divorce, ill health, difficult relationships, or adversity of any sort.  We have not yet established a collective mental equivalent for a world without such ideas.  But in the interim, our resiliency can be strengthened by knowing each day begins anew.  Having greater resiliency opens space for positive change and put us on the evolutionary path toward living life with greater, positive expectations.

When we experience loss, in the form of another person leaving, it is absolutely necessary to move through the pain, experience it, grieve, get angry, perhaps resign, in order to move forward.  But pain takes you to a step where you will be in a position to accept comfort – allowing someone else a chance to do their soul work. Pain does lead to peace if we put moving forward at the top of the agenda.  Moving forward through loss and grief is a lesson in using empty space for love, not more loss.  Find the strength to crack open that space inside you, no matter how painful.  Continue exchanging with others and fight the urge to isolate yourself. You will be amazed at what resides within.

We Can Develop More Compassion When Experiencing Grief

Many times we are overlooked for comfort.  Being isolated during periods where we need comfort more than ever – and not necessarily by choice – is difficult to accept.  When my father-in-law died unexpectedly a few years ago, I experienced my own grief as well as empathically experiencing the grief of family and friends. I expected to have my own grief recognized – after all, isn’t that a part of the grieving and healing process?  However, during the funeral activities and subsequent encounters I had with church clergy and many members of the community, the offer of compassion was only directed toward my husband.  Many, many times, over the course of months, I stood beside my husband, whose hand was grasped, his grief acknowledged, while I stood there unrecognized.  I wondered, “Are my own feelings of loss not appropriate?  Or is my function here to just keep facilitating the process for everyone else while my own grief would be more of a burden on those around me?” 

This added even more hurtful heaviness to my plate, but in the end I became stronger and more perceptive.  I had to learn how to ask for what I needed and realized I wasn’t going to get it unless I asked.  When a close friend was killed in a car accident the following spring, I readily asked for comfort while giving it at the same time.  Providing loving support to her grieving family, and my own, seemed easier while I allowed my own grief to run its course. I healed, and healed others, while I grieved.  I fully participated in the process of being in grief while comforting others, and accepted comfort readily from everyone I knew.  I imposed no limitations for healing, from myself or from others, because I learned how to accept and give simultaneously. I was an open channel for grief - accepting, and giving comfort all at once. 

Do Not Be Afraid of Grief

I learned my grief lessons well that year, considering I attended funerals for four other people and gave emotional support to many others whose loved ones had crossed over.  It was a far cry from what I had ever experienced previously.  The universe does have a way of driving a point home. Remember, comfort equals both input and output, sometimes in a synchronized process leading to healing. Don’t be afraid. Use these types of lessons well when it is your time.  It expands your heart and puts you in touch with the whole of humanity.
 
Give and Receive Comfort Regularly

Overall, I think we do not receive enough instruction in the subject of comfort when we know starting over is the only option, either for ourselves or for others.  Know that comfort is a two-way street.  Offer comfort in large doses and practice giving it.  Acknowledge a person’s loss, but when it’s your turn to be on the receiving end, be willing to accept comfort and ask for more when needed. Here is how you can reach out to others:

• Practice comforting.  Sometimes it is difficult to offer the highest vision of ourselves in the form of comfort as some people are fearful of sharing your loss.  I suppose the older we get, we just get better at consoling others.  But never distance yourself from those who are experiencing adversity, never ever.  You must learn that reaching out is part of our soul story too. 

• Keep on giving.  Offer everyone comfort, in the best way you know how, for all types of adverse circumstances.  Keep calling, send notes, bring dinner, give more hugs.  Your resiliency factor will become astounding.  And when you are told, “Things will never be all right again” by those you’ve assured it will be all right, you’ve still done a good job.  You’ve just grown the size of your heart ten-fold.

• Hold a positive vision for someone else.  Because our thoughts are powerful, you have the ability to visualize a positive outcome for just about anything. Use your energy to hold that person, family, or situation in the healing light of the Divine.  In your own mind, become a channel for healing for that individual by sending help their way.

Above all, know that we are expected to see life’s contrast.  Adversity is just part of the program – no matter how challenging, we are designed to triumphantly overcome any obstacle we may encounter.

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

During our moments of deepest despair or danger, isn’t it true we sense a presence “looking out” for us? Somehow it makes an appearance by bringing our attention to what is important.  It can show up by grace entering your mind and body during moments of self-doubt and fear. And it usually appears in creative ways we least expect.
As time goes on I seem to be more in tune with these energies and perhaps the presence of angels.  I describe them as marvelous confirmations that strengthen my connection with my source energy.  I feel a presence through tingling sensations over my body or even tapping on my forehead and face. Yes, I will at last admit this to everyone, when I get off-track with my thinking (negativity, unforgiving ideas, self-deprecation) I feel entities present who literally pump in feelings of safety and peace.  And then I sit up and notice what’s important - like an angelic wake-up call.
Of course, it’s easy to rationalize away such occurrences, as they can be attributed to any number of natural phenomena (even though there have been many spiritual teachers who have walked our planet and reminded us of the presence of angels!) For all who have difficulty believing in the angelic realm, take a look at real people who inspire you.  You can sense the angelic presence surrounding and emanating from them.

Angel Power is Everywhere
At a retreat in Colorado, I had the privilege of experiencing sharing a week with Sai Maa Lakshmi Devi, founder of Humanity in Unity.  She is a living master, a spiritual teacher whose entire purpose is to awaken humanity’s capability to express divine love in action. Sai Maa emanates Shakti power and allows all in her presence to experience a deep sense of profound love and forgiveness. I showed up with self-doubt and worry on my sleeve, wishing to return home with answers on just about all topics ranging from “why are we here?” to “why am I in this line of work?”  I was filled with enough angst to fill the entire auditorium that week, questioning my ability to empower others.
For years, I had been teaching people to release the past and awaken to their potential.  When a heart is opened, it can then be filled with buckets of love.  In the process, we allow ourselves to grow into a vision of authenticity and raise the collective consciousness.  I don’t recall ever taking that course at The University of Michigan, so I questioned my purpose.
While there, I met Reverend Sandra Moore, a New Thought minister from California from the Center for Universal Truth www.centerfortruth.org who encouraged me to stay on my work-path.  It was at this retreat I learned of Sandy’s teenage daughter Tara, who died suddenly in a car accident, and how that led to Sandy’s and Kirk’s work in the ministry. Their story of Tara, and the presence of angels among us, is nothing short of phenomenal. I was lead to their book, Tara’s Angels, and spent the week with Sandy sorting out our ideas of service, gaining clarity in the process.  The support I received from her will last me many lifetimes. 
Was it simply human kindness and serendipity?  I no longer believe that, because when we ask for support, we do receive it, from many resources, human, angelic, and Divine.  The universal mind does bind us together, answering our calls of distress and discouragement – in ways we cannot imagine.  Sai Maa created the channel for love and support to flow that week, but it appeared in ways I did not expect.  Remember, love flows from more avenues that we can imagine, as long as we are open to its receipt.  Well-designed can make an appearance in our lives only if we are perceptive enough to notice.

Angels Guide Us Toward Solutions
Often I have been guided to solutions and ideas through the presence of angels.  No matter what image of the Divine, wisdom tradition, or philosophy we subscribe to, there is a timeless presence and source binding us together.  This presence emanates loving encouragement in raising the collective consciousnesses. As Doreen Virtue says, through our earth-experience, we are bringing our angels closer to us in order to invoke our higher self’s loving essence.  And that, my friends, is yet another fabulous way to increase our faith and trust in the universe – and in the presence of God.
There are always angels who will lead you to a path of greater self-understanding. But do not forget your earth-angels as well – those beloved teachers who write books, inspire you through talk radio, encourage good health, or show you something about yourself for your own self-development.  Don’t forget the stranger sitting next to you may be there for a reason. It doesn’t matter if God’s presence is from this realm or another.  Pay attention! In your quiet moments, thank them for the gifts they bring to enhance your journey.

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

Positive thinking is a discipline that trains the human mind to change a perceived reality by repeatedly making positive mental statements. A person practices positive thinking when they derive a positive sense of well being, optimism, belonging, meaning and/or purpose from being part of and contributing back to something larger and more permanent than themselves. Positive thinking is a process of choosing positive emotions from stimuli in the environment and applying them to perceptions and beliefs. The objective is to create an outlook that translates into a new or better chosen reality.

Positive Mental Attitudes

A positive mental attitude is the belief that one can increase achievement through optimistic thought processes. A positive attitude comes from observational learning in the environment and is partially achieved when a vision of good natured change in the mind is applied toward people, circumstances, events, or behaviors (Wikipedia). Since it is difficult to quantify (measure) the effects of a positive mental attitude, it can be considered a philosophy and a way to approach life.

The Secret to Positive Thinking

Creating reality by how one chooses to think about life, health, relationships, and finances was the subject of the hit movie “The Secret.” Current self-help gurus discussed the Law of Attraction and other principles congruent with positive thinking. Building a positive mindset that attracted better circumstances in one’s life involved: (1) alignment to a clear vision of what is desired, (2) an attitude of thankfulness, (3) having positive emotions associated with the desire, and (4) releasing that desire to a greater power. (more…)