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Archive for the ‘Need Advice? Ask Char!’ Category

Empowering Advice for Women

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Girlphyte Magazine recently interviewed Charlene on the principles women can help women build the best life possible.  Read on for female insight on confidence and empowerment!

Q:  Confidence and self-worth are elusive goals for so many women.  You’ve achieved so much.  Where did you find your courage?

A:  When we choose to act with courage we open the floodgates to our authenticity.  Megan Raphael and Jennifer Byron said this when they wrote the book “The Courage Code” – a collection of stories on women who have rediscovered their self-worth and confidence. We build upon these ideas as a result of our soul journey and life experience – they are not necessarily skills we are born with. When we stop choosing our course of action out of a sense of obligation or desire to keep everyone else in balance, we no longer need to compromise ourselves by diminishing our own value.  Out this simple act of self-love, we are healed and empowered. Embracing our own authenticity is about self-celebration, whether in the form of choosing a new career, writing poetry, or learning to dance when we are in our 60’s.  Authenticity builds upon the awareness of our own unique gifts. One of my own life lessons was to learn to love myself, develop my voice, and teach others to do the same, so I gave up my left-brain corporate and research world in favor of teaching women to rediscover who they are at a fundamental level. So, my own brand of courage comes from demonstrating that which I need to claim and solidify.

Q:  How does the Goddess principle inform a woman’s work ethic?

A:  The Goddess is a powerful metaphor of a woman’s self-image.  Sometimes identifying with female deity makes women radiate with awareness that they are part of a huge, cosmic equation, but mostly, it’s about opening our hearts as fully as possible.  To stop denying our human experiences as a way to evolve our collective consciousness.  Culture and society has devalued that for so long, it’s time for a Goddess revival. When we begin to know the feminine principle, we begin to understand the path to human evolution. Part of this is about practicing the power of intuition, patience, a reverence for nature, and the knowledge of the holy unity of all things – all fabulous and natural capabilities of women. 

Q:  As you share these principles with women, what is the most startling transformative moment for women?

A:  They realize that they want to marry traditional masculine ideas of rule, reason, passion for order, structure, science, control and left brain with a feminine perspective on matters.  They understand that a balanced life, and self-actualization, comes from a balanced point of view, meaning that we must be aware of both sides of who we are.  They realize that validation from having a strictly male value set on success and careers is no longer necessary.

Q:  Women are such effective communicators, contributors and connectors yet continue to be undervalued in the workplace.  What is the key to changing the environment?  Or can we only change ourselves?

A:  Because women learned the corporate work tradition from men, they thought loosing their emotional depth, intuition, and seeing the gestalt improved performance. This is the first assumption to unseat when we desire change. A woman’s brain works differently than a man’s.  Generally, we have 33% more neuronal fibers in the corpus callosum, the dense fibers that link the two hemispheres of the brain.  Women have more connecting neurons between the left and right brain, so we tend to use both sides more than men when problem solving.  In the workplace, women have been conditioned to think like men – believing that compartmentalizing problems and lineal thinking is the only way to manage people and complexity.  To change the environment, first learn about your eyes, ears, brains, and all the amazing gender-based facts of who you are.  Be empowered by how you are wired. Harness that, celebrate it, and know you are not a mini-man.  Congratulate yourself on your inherent capabilities and bask in your own wonder.  When you do that, circumstances and people will change around you.

Q:  Your work with the homeless reflects the depth of your belief in the ability of your approach to reinvent women’s lives no matter how desperate their circumstances.  What is the most important thing you say or do when connecting with these women the first time?  Have they surprised you?

A:  I teach them their reality changes when they believe in the power of the mind. Defining their expectations of life, relationships or job success is first about moving forward into the present moment and shedding guilt, fear and self-doubt.  We can’t succeed at anything if we have no room for personal growth because it’s often taken up with a victim mentality and unforgiveness.  Emmet Fox, a 1940’s Unity Minister said that without clarity of knowing what you want and feeling the passion for it in the mind first, the universe can’t get a clear message on manifesting your reality. So, I teach the homeless about mental equivalents and affirmations because these are concepts easy to grasp and it helps begin to develop new automatic programs in the mind.  Overall, they are incredibly motivated to change.  That’s been a real myth buster.

Q:  What is your legacy to women?  How do you wish to be remembered?

A:  My vision is to get as many women as possible to understand that they are individual sparks of Divine power.  A woman is a whole image of creation, not a sub-set.  There is nothing blemished, sinful, or unworthy about being a woman. When women finally claim they are part of the universal I AM, which means they are timeless and unlimited, they will know they can’t be anything else. If am a teacher that walks this planet and can successfully communicate those ideas to both men and women, I will cross over to the other side with a kick in my step.

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

Posted in Need Advice? Ask Char! | 1 Comment »

More Empowering Advice for Parents of Teens

Monday, August 13th, 2007

ParentsConnect.com, the new MTV/Nickelodeon venture, recently pursued Charlene for advice parents can give teens who are having problems with body image and self-image. Read on for fun, creative, and female insight on how to give your teen girl added confidence and empowerment!

Q: Sexiness, and having sex, is a confusing issue these days for teenagers. How do we put it all in perspective for them?

A:  Just last night I broke my own house rule, and channel surfed.  I landed on the TV guide page where cutaway interviews of lingerie models were running. How many ways can we continue to tie-up, push up, squish down, and show off the body parts that are supposed to drive us to procreation?  Ah yes, and wonderful pleasure as well.  However, we’ve got a cultural misconception with sexiness and having sex.  Sexiness is about confidence, knowing who you are when you walk into a room of people.  It’s about feeling worthy, self-loving, and embracing your gifts from a very fundamental level. Anyone who operates from a centered, deep sense of self-appreciation is hugely magnetic.

Sexiness is celebrating your body, and what it can do, in loveable ways and appreciating every moment you have for this amazing opportunity we call “life.”  But it takes practice and maturity.  We can never have too much of that, especially in a world that highlights violence. Teach your teen to love their divine self, their own unique spark of creation.  And teens having sex?  Yikes.  I’m an advocate of encouraging them to wait until they are old enough to understand the responsibilities that go along with it:  Risky STD’s, pregnancy, birth control – and the complexities that accompany serious relationships.
 
Q: Raising a teenage daughter is hard on my self-esteem; it makes me feel older but not wiser! Can I be feminine without competing with my daughter’s youth?

A:  You can’t pass a healthy dose of self-esteem on to your daughter when you can’t generate enough on your own. And as long as you are taking care of yourself with a proper diet, exercise, and nurturing yourself through wonderful and productive work, what are you worrying about?  Lead by example from the inside first, and quit worrying about what you look like and how many numbers you’ve racked up. 

When you feel you don’t age gracefully, it means you are insecure. To provide clarity, you need to affirm who you are, in a present-moment statement:

“Each stage in my life is wonderful.  My wisdom and experience acquired from life make me a person who has a lot to offer the world.  Every moment I continue to engage in the world is valuable to others.  I no longer need disease or drama to secure a place in the world.  I do not need to compete with anyone to be noticed.  I am shining, with all my wisdom, in my security.  I feel safe knowing no one can take my place.”

My prescription:  recite 3 times a day, in front of a mirror.  In ten days, stand up and declare it in front of your family…teens and all. You’ll feel full of your wonderful self!
 
Q: My son and his friends like having friends who are girls, without the pressure of dating. Is there a healthy way for teens to socialize without the pressure of “hooking up”?

A: As a mother of two teen boys, I’ve seen dating and socializing patterns throughout the entire middle and high school experience.  Thankfully, compared to my day where a girl couldn’t attend a dance or a social event without being “asked” by a boy (she could, but looked mighty silly), it’s all different now.  Boys and girls attend proms in groups not couples, movies are done in big numbers too, and nobody has to pay for someone else. 

They like to meet at a neutral place where all involved have an escape plan, especially if someone has a meltdown or commits a major faux pas. I like it, it’s a good thing, and allows them some flexibility and an opportunity to test the dating waters gingerly.  They’ve got their entire lives to hook up and discover the opposite sex, so go for the groups.  Encourage them to socialize this way and show your support by offering rides (Mothers, hold off on advice given while behind the wheel!  Otherwise, your teen will not ask you to drive again!  You will risk not knowing where your son or daughter is spending their time!)

Given that sports and other school extra-curricular requirements, like community service work now required on most college applications, teens don’t seem to have as much time to get after school part-time jobs (or have a family dinner, but that’s another story). Therefore, the lack of funds does prevent many boys from treating girls the old school way – they can’t afford to pay for entertainment and dinners.  I still like it because it encourages girls to think about financial independence – and get realistic about what it costs to support themselves.

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

Posted in Need Advice? Ask Char! | 1 Comment »

Empowering Advice for Parents of Teen Girls

Thursday, July 26th, 2007

ParentsConnect.com, the new MTV/Nickelodeon venture, recently pursued Charlene for advice parents can give teen girls who are having problems with body image and self-image. Read on for fun, creative, and female insight on how to give your teen girl added confidence and empowerment!

Q: I notice my teenage daughter is starting to criticize the way she looks and always compares herself to her friends. How can I get her to stop being so hard on herself?

A: With what the media fires away at us daily, it’s no wonder we grow up thinking we need perfect bodies. Consider the way Madison Avenue has convinced us to use cosmetics to enhance our natural beauty, dress to get noticed, and even have plastic surgery if our body parts don’t seem to compare to women we see on the screen.  Remind your daughter these types of people are a miniscule percentage of what the human race really looks like – and people selected to “represent” what is beautiful and what isn’t waxes and wanes with fickle public opinion.  Unfortunately, these icons of popularity sell more products – everything to real estate, food, cars, and even happiness.

First of all, tell grasshopper that women are naturally hairy, hippy, biologically designed to carry the next generation inside us, and our brains are supposed to have 33% more neuronal fibers than men – suggesting that our left side of the brain (logical analytical, task oriented) and right side (the intuited, holistic) talk more easily to each with compared with men.  Translation: women are great multi-taskers, manage complexity well, and are terrific at seeing the whole enchilada of life.  And hips really are terrific. Your job:  keep pointing out what women do well and aim for powerful facts and metaphors.  Pretty soon it’ll sink in that Woman is Wonderous… no matter the size, shape, or how adorned.

Q: There doesn’t seem to be a lot of positive role models of women in the media for my teenage daughter to emulate (or me, for that matter!) How can I seek out older women who might inspire both of us?

A: Helping teen girls develop confidence today needs to be a creative and thoughtful exercise. Unplug from the media and go to a resource like bookstores and museums and show her what powerful ancient women used to aspire to.  In many egalitarian communities, women not only ruled the roost but ran the temples, local politics, and were greatly respected priestesses and healers. Sound crazy?  Delve into the history books on women’s religion when women shared the dais with male and how archeological findings produced many more images of female deity than male gods.

Have a look at modern day culture by revisiting the past.  I always say when we stop expanding our parameters on culture, philosophy, science, art, and all aspects of our worldly experience, past and present, our ideas become very small.  We are limiting our perspective and then bothered by things that don’t really matter.  Think outside the box and always trust her to develop her own role models.  Keep broadening her thoughts about what a woman can be and do.  Spend some time at the Louvre (or on the internet!) looking at The Goddess Athena, Venus of Willendorf, or Diana of Ephesus.  These images (and mythologies) knock her socks off.  Know that no matter what age, we can always find strong (and statuesque) leaders to inspire us.

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts for women! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

Posted in Need Advice? Ask Char! | 5 Comments »

Ask Charlene: How does one get through divorce in a positive light?

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Question: How does one get through divorce in a positive light?
S from Texas

Dear S from Texas,
Three things. Believe that:

• Through pain, we find triumph in our personal lives, and then experience peace if we allow it. Know that you are capable of healing.

• It is possible to forgive anyone, under any circumstances. Forgiveness is a true miracle we can experience at any time, free of charge.

• Your path has changed for the better. You are learning a lesson at the level of the soul that you have chosen in this lifetime. It’s difficult to go through, but remember – you are moving through it, not stuck there permanently. Personal growth sometimes hurts in the beginning – and then we emerge with greater trust and perspective after the lesson is over. (more…)

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Ask Charlene: Soon to be 53 year old

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Question: I am a soon to be 53 year old who has come to her crossroads in life. I’ve been married 24 years and it has come to the point of wanting a divorce from my husband. I no longer am interested in being married and feel that it is holding me back from moving forward in my life.

What should I do? Sometimes my spirit is high and then it drops to a new low. Do other women experience these terrible mood swings? I know that my marriage is no longer healthy for me. Need some advice.
Y.

(more…)

Posted in Need Advice? Ask Char! | 3 Comments »

Ask Charlene: Please let me tell you about myself.

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Question: Please let me tell you about myself. I am having trouble with depression and anxiety. I had a panic attack almost in the supermarket today. I am seeing a psychiatrist and on medication but it helps only a little. My soul is empty I have been through a lot of pain. From being abused as a child, to growing up in one foster home after another, I never knew love as an adult. I was physically and mentally abused by boyfriends. I am a former alcoholic. I have almost been on the street homeless. I have lived in dumps where I thought I would take my life. I am now living in a small studio. I thank God for that, I really do, but I am on disability and I can barely buy myself anything. I am in such a rut. I do the same thing day after day month after month. I feel like I am wasting my only life away. I have a dream to be a writer and to help others and I don’t know how to start because all I think is negative. I think I am too dumb too even get started. It hurts to be my age and not feel proud of anything I did with my life. I am 49 year old bag. There has got to be hope for me.

P.

(more…)

Posted in Need Advice? Ask Char! | 1 Comment »

Dr. Charlene Proctor
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