ParentsConnect.com, the new MTV/Nickelodeon venture, recently pursued Charlene for advice parents can give teen girls who are having problems with body image and self-image. Read on for fun, creative, and female insight on how to give your teen girl added confidence and empowerment!

Q: I notice my teenage daughter is starting to criticize the way she looks and always compares herself to her friends. How can I get her to stop being so hard on herself?

A: With what the media fires away at us daily, it’s no wonder we grow up thinking we need perfect bodies. Consider the way Madison Avenue has convinced us to use cosmetics to enhance our natural beauty, dress to get noticed, and even have plastic surgery if our body parts don’t seem to compare to women we see on the screen.  Remind your daughter these types of people are a miniscule percentage of what the human race really looks like – and people selected to “represent” what is beautiful and what isn’t waxes and wanes with fickle public opinion.  Unfortunately, these icons of popularity sell more products – everything to real estate, food, cars, and even happiness.

First of all, tell grasshopper that women are naturally hairy, hippy, biologically designed to carry the next generation inside us, and our brains are supposed to have 33% more neuronal fibers than men – suggesting that our left side of the brain (logical analytical, task oriented) and right side (the intuited, holistic) talk more easily to each with compared with men.  Translation: women are great multi-taskers, manage complexity well, and are terrific at seeing the whole enchilada of life.  And hips really are terrific. Your job:  keep pointing out what women do well and aim for powerful facts and metaphors.  Pretty soon it’ll sink in that Woman is Wonderous… no matter the size, shape, or how adorned.

Q: There doesn’t seem to be a lot of positive role models of women in the media for my teenage daughter to emulate (or me, for that matter!) How can I seek out older women who might inspire both of us?

A: Helping teen girls develop confidence today needs to be a creative and thoughtful exercise. Unplug from the media and go to a resource like bookstores and museums and show her what powerful ancient women used to aspire to.  In many egalitarian communities, women not only ruled the roost but ran the temples, local politics, and were greatly respected priestesses and healers. Sound crazy?  Delve into the history books on women’s religion when women shared the dais with male and how archeological findings produced many more images of female deity than male gods.

Have a look at modern day culture by revisiting the past.  I always say when we stop expanding our parameters on culture, philosophy, science, art, and all aspects of our worldly experience, past and present, our ideas become very small.  We are limiting our perspective and then bothered by things that don’t really matter.  Think outside the box and always trust her to develop her own role models.  Keep broadening her thoughts about what a woman can be and do.  Spend some time at the Louvre (or on the internet!) looking at The Goddess Athena, Venus of Willendorf, or Diana of Ephesus.  These images (and mythologies) knock her socks off.  Know that no matter what age, we can always find strong (and statuesque) leaders to inspire us.

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts for women! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

Women never cease to amaze me when they rally at impromptu gatherings to reignite the bonds of their ancient female past. Recently, I was invited to join a group of women on a trip to the American southwest. I knew only the trip planner. Some arrived as friendship partners or business partners; others were taking a brief hiatus from being mother, wife, fundraiser, curator, marketing analyst, or teacher. Others came for meditative time and long walks, seizing the day to reconnect with their bodies through better eating or exercise. Our only commitment: eat together at least once during the week.

Surprisingly, in six days this group went from strangers to sisterhood, laughing like old friends, sharing conversation about marriages, children, and spiritual development. Unknowingly, we granted ourselves permission to deeply explore one another’s minds with the intention of learning, and nothing more. Unthreatened by our diversity, we developed a dialogue, and we were both shocked and entertained by everyone’s perspective. By the time we participated in a drumming circle on the final evening, we beat our instruments as if it were the last day on earth, rhythm makers connecting land and sky, our dancing selves somewhere in between.

By the time the last flame was extinguished, a sense of community existed which was nothing less than magical: a pledge of support and understanding as we re-entered our individual lives. Our sacred circle was inadvertently cast. And a grounded, unstructured, woman-affirming spirituality arose from emptiness, as a consequence of creating space for wisdom to emerge. 

Women Need to Gather to Share Wisdom

What is it about a woman-gathering that empowers women? It’s molding collective ideas into something that makes sense; the telling of stories; inhaling a woman’s worldly viewpoint and not a man’s. It’s about enhancing our judgment on what to let go and what to pack in the suitcase for the journey home. A woman-gathering is an opportunity to place sticky notes on those areas of our lives where we’ve lacked true self-awareness, alerting us to why we have been taking too much direction from external circumstances and not enough from a sense of our own creative power. Our individual and collective strength is greatly diminished when our minds race with what needs to be done and whose needs need to be met next, with little or no time to revisit the meaning of what we’re doing. As a result, we wander, letting life move us instead of choosing where we want to move life.

Revisit the Tribal Sisterhood

Reviving our past extends far beyond analyzing the happenstance of the immediate. It goes back to a time when tribal sisterhood existed, when women helped one another find wisdom within everyday experiences, when making spiritual room for self-discovery and renewal was as necessary as breathing. I believe we are born with a need to gather ancient women’s wisdom from all walks of life and apply it to our private expeditions. Women long to share stories of tragedy and success, to weep, giggle, and feel better about adversity, while comparing notes about how to improve our own thinking and change our individual worlds through relationships and work.

Affirm your connection regularly

Today, celebrate your ancient tribal sisterhood and the wisdom you have earned since the beginning of time.  Be empowered by your women’s wisdom!  Remember to love being female.  Have lunch with a friend, visit your mother, or talk to the woman who works at the corner supermarket.  Honor this shared connection that deepens in power and confidence daily.  Affirm the wonder of you! Say:

“I am all seasons, all cycles, and all elements. I am empowered by the wisdom of women’s collective experiences since the beginning of time. I feel competent knowing my worldly perspective matters. I am a powerful, beloved female!”

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!

Attract a New Love Interest by Being Positive

Starting over from painful circumstances is never easy, especially when you have invested so much energy into others.  We tend to look at people as energy investments.  But no matter how the energy stock may rise and fall, it is certain that energy is limitless and so is your capacity to love.  Be comforted that you are not alone.  Believe in what you can do and who you are!  Love yourself and move forward.  The world needs you and all you have to offer!

To get on the positive thinking track about relationships gone sour, you must use affirmations to stay in the present moment.  Your most powerful and productive time in life is today, not yesterday or tomorrow.  Spend time living in the present.  When you allow yourself to be bogged down by old mental programs (old memories that don’t serve you well or reacting to the present from past emotional states) you are compromising your ability to grow.  This is especially true with relationships.  Old hurts and emotional baggage from the past can thwart what you receive in the present.  If you spend all your time thinking about what you don’t want, by the Law of Attraction the universe will provide you with exactly what you’ve spent time thinking about – more things you don’t want.  So move forward!

Attracting a love interest is largely about setting a new mental equivalent.  To do this, you need clarity about what you desire, and having the passion (or vision) for it. Visualize that person in your world and what it feels like to have a nurturing relationship. And then take action! Get out there and magnetize people by taking care of yourself and treating others how you would like to be treated. Practice positive verbiage at work, home, and in front of the mirror in the morning. 

Dating and divorce can be challenging but you are moving through it … and not stuck there permanently. Here are two affirmations to keep your spirits up and will help you feel more empowered by moving forward.  Remember, focus on the present!

Can’t Find a Relationship When Dating

“My path to love is no longer littered with rocks and diversions.  I sweep away each disappointment with ease.  At this moment, I am becoming more open-minded and loving to everyone around me.  From this day forward, I rejoice in my learning journey and put my love path to music.  I am an incredible soul who can dance on any path!”

Leaving a Relationship or Facing Divorce

“I leave this relationship with grace and dignity.  I know my own soul must grow in an area outside the perimeter of this relationship.  No matter how painful the past, I am thankful that this venture has been part of my learning journey because it helps me to further define myself.  My ability to give and receive love remains intact.  My heart is healing.  I have tremendous capacity to love others, no matter the circumstances.”

Renew your awareness in the present moment and have patience! Like attracts like, so regularly check where you are spending time mentally.  If you want more love in your life, then be lovable.  Be the idea of love in as many productive ways you can imagine and you’ll see results!

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts on love! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!
 
 

Affirm Your Way to Greater Self-Love

Weighing in your self-esteem seems daunting in a media culture obsessed with stick-thin models without hips.  It’s possible to get satisfaction from your own reflection as long as you love your body and take care of your health.  Here are three ways to help you feel comfortable in your own skin and love who you see in the mirror:

Use affirmations to reinforce what’s good about you

An affirmation is a positive, present-day statement that declares your current sate of mind and expectation as real and valid.  It acknowledges to the mind and body that what you hold in your mind is real.  When used with repetition, you can put your mind on “positive auto-pilot” and begin to resonate with other people who feel the same way about you.

It’s important to affirm who you are in present-day language.  This is where your most powerful moments are spent in life, and not yesterday or tomorrow.  What you think is your mental equivalent for what you will demonstrate on the outside.  “As within, so without” is a good mantra for life.  Do you think of your self as a goddess? Then that that is how people will respond.  Do you feel ripe and plentiful?  Generous?  Full of wisdom?  Then you are an abundant expression of life.  Celebrate that idea regularly!

Here’s an affirmation to help you affirm who you are in present-day language. Remember, thoughts create reality!

“When I look in the mirror, I see a loving person.  My capacity to love knows no boundaries.  I accept myself and love what I see in the mirror.  There are no imperfections because I am perfectly constructed.  I am an example of a miracle and am a spiritual work in progress.”

Use Woman-Affirming Language

Whenever possible, learn to appreciate being female.  Expressing compassion and having the ability to regenerate life are powerful ideas.  Discard the diet pills and choose to value your gender as often as possible:

“I am relaxed and at ease with life, knowing I am a part of a vast natural cycle.  I look forward to today’s experience and rejoice in my body’s ability to regenerate life!  Every curve expresses my female power.  I love being a powerful female.”

Be Thankful for Your Body

Living in a continual state of thankfulness for who you are is important when appreciating what your body does for you each day.  It’s your vehicle to your self-development journey!  Because of your body, you have an opportunity to be on the planet and allow spirit to express through you.  That’s an amazing gift!  Learn to have gratitude for what your body can do:

“I am thankful for being an example of a miracle!  I have no imperfections because I am perfectly constructed.  Every aspect of my body is a reason to rejoice in life’s sensations.  I feel powerful by being alive.  I welcome each element of my physical system that is a wondrous example of genius.  Today, I feel blessed to be able to express my sacred gift.  I am thankful I have the skills that can service humanity!”

Too much of a conceptual leap?  If you are overweight, and need a boost to get over the negative thinking hump, here’s an affirmation that will put you on the positive thinking track:

“I am in the process of creating a beautiful and meaningful life.  I am safe and protected by God every day.  I no longer have a need to hold on to the past because today is what matters.  The past has no power over me.  I am grown up and step into a complete vision of myself.  From this day forward, I take responsibility for my life and shed old mental habits that do not support a healthy vision.  I love taking care of my beautiful body!”

With consistent and powerful thoughts, there is no need to stress about the way you look.  Love every inch of you while taking excellent care of yourself. Your satisfaction is in knowing that you are a gift to the universe exactly as you are.  When you engage in a deeper level of self-appreciation and self-love in the present moment, you’ll feel empowered… and learn to love yourself!

© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D.  2007.  All Rights Reserved.  See http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering thoughts on body image! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!